– ; –

chapter 1 – parade of pills

a semi-colon is used when a sentence could have been ended,

but wasn’t.

january 1, 2015.

i only remember looking down and seeing a handful of blue,

white,

and green pills.

at first i didn’t know whose hand it was.

the hand grasped the pile and turned over, revealing its recently manicured thumb. that’s when i realized that the hand was mine.

the shaky breath was mine

and the mouth that was now opening to welcome the parade of pills was indeed, also mine.

the next thing i see is my twin sister, farrah, screaming into her phone. “I am going to sue your establishment’s ass so fast so fast when this is all over, get over here NOW!”

i giggle to myself, thinking about who could possibly be on the other line.

i realize that i have no control over my body.

i open my mouth to scream to my sister, but i am rudely interrupted by her own screams.

“Oh my God, Fleur!”

my sister ran over and cupped her hand around my cheek. i couldn’t feel it. “No, her eyes are open, but she isn’t moving!” Farrah became more hysterical, as the door to the guest bathroom opened quickly, and in walked a tall and buff man in a white uniform. his crew came in behind him with a stretcher

no time was wasted as i was hoisted into the stretcher and was pushed out of my luxury family home, the brooks’ mansion.

little did I know, that would be the last time i would see my beautiful home for almost a year.




chapter 2 – black

one ambulance drive later

i was watching my body

being cried over by my sister and mother.

i watched a paramedic tear them away.

it was like a movie

and i was the star.

i threw up

and it all went black.


my eyes pop open

like i’m startled

and i feel my wrists bound

to the sides of my bed

i try to shake them free

and call for help

no sound would come out

a nurse ran in and told me to calm down

next thing i knew it was black again

and i secretly hoped

it would be black forever




chapter 3 – take me home

i come to

finally feeling normal

ready to go home

i needed a massage

and some retail therapy

so i opened my eyes

and began to sit up

but was held back by my restraints once again.

“Fleur”.

my sister ran over and hugged me best she could.

i nuzzled into her and said

“take me home.”

she didn’t reply.

“Farrah, take me home!”

my mouth was stuck.

no sound.

we hugged for what felt like a lifetime.

i was stuck

i wanted to leave

but i was stuck.




chapter 4 – flipped switch 

no change for the next couple of days

restraints taken off

i was marked “violent”.

mother voiced my thoughts as I knew she would,

“where is her voice? why cant she talk?!”

nobody knew.

people visited

but i pretended to be asleep

gifts were brought

but i acted like I didn’t see them

Farrah begged me to talk

mother begged me to talk

doctors begged me to talk

my head begged my mouth to talk

it was like a switch was flipped.

IVs taken out

bags were packed

i wanted home

but i got a psychiatric hospital.

 

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