chapter 1 – parade of pills
a semi-colon is used when a sentence could have been ended,
january 1, 2015.
i only remember looking down and seeing a handful of blue,
and green pills.
at first i didn’t know whose hand it was.
the hand grasped the pile and turned over, revealing its recently manicured thumb. that’s when i realized that the hand was mine.
the shaky breath was mine
and the mouth that was now opening to welcome the parade of pills was indeed, also mine.
the next thing i see is my twin sister, farrah, screaming into her phone. “I am going to sue your establishment’s ass so fast so fast when this is all over, get over here NOW!”
i giggle to myself, thinking about who could possibly be on the other line.
i realize that i have no control over my body.
i open my mouth to scream to my sister, but i am rudely interrupted by her own screams.
“Oh my God, Fleur!”
my sister ran over and cupped her hand around my cheek. i couldn’t feel it. “No, her eyes are open, but she isn’t moving!” Farrah became more hysterical, as the door to the guest bathroom opened quickly, and in walked a tall and buff man in a white uniform. his crew came in behind him with a stretcher
no time was wasted as i was hoisted into the stretcher and was pushed out of my luxury family home, the brooks’ mansion.
little did I know, that would be the last time i would see my beautiful home for almost a year.
chapter 2 – black
one ambulance drive later
i was watching my body
being cried over by my sister and mother.
i watched a paramedic tear them away.
it was like a movie
and i was the star.
i threw up
and it all went black.
my eyes pop open
like i’m startled
and i feel my wrists bound
to the sides of my bed
i try to shake them free
and call for help
no sound would come out
a nurse ran in and told me to calm down
next thing i knew it was black again
and i secretly hoped
it would be black forever
chapter 3 – take me home
i come to
finally feeling normal
ready to go home
i needed a massage
and some retail therapy
so i opened my eyes
and began to sit up
but was held back by my restraints once again.
my sister ran over and hugged me best she could.
i nuzzled into her and said
“take me home.”
she didn’t reply.
“Farrah, take me home!”
my mouth was stuck.
we hugged for what felt like a lifetime.
i was stuck
i wanted to leave
but i was stuck.
chapter 4 – flipped switch
no change for the next couple of days
restraints taken off
i was marked “violent”.
mother voiced my thoughts as I knew she would,
“where is her voice? why cant she talk?!”
but i pretended to be asleep
gifts were brought
but i acted like I didn’t see them
Farrah begged me to talk
mother begged me to talk
doctors begged me to talk
my head begged my mouth to talk
it was like a switch was flipped.
IVs taken out
bags were packed
i wanted home
but i got a psychiatric hospital.