discovering myself: an everlasting journey

Once when I was little, I was asked to do an “All About Me” project. I was supposed to do facts about me, appearance wise: Eye colour, brown. Hair colour, also brown. Next thing was something a little complex-my best quality. Now, at that age, I  didn’t even know what that word meant. When I asked my teacher Ms. Gerlach, her response got me thinking. “A quality is like a trait, something about yourself that is unique and that nobody else shares with you.”

I really did think about what my best quality would be. Basic things like a sense of humor and getting along with people did not satisfy my 6 year-old brain for the search of my best quality. 10 years later, and I’m still lost in what that is. “An Everlasting Journey”: The fact that I still don’t know what makes me a memorable person baffles me.

Things about me that I do know:

  • I am a child of God.
  • I have a decent music taste.
  • I am pretty good at writing.
  • I am funny.
  • I am a good dancer.

Past those few things, I have no idea. Discovering yourself is no easy task, and I am sure there are a lot of adults who still don’t know who they are. Y’all know me, I always turn to the bible and prayer for answers. I have some bible verses that have helped me significantly through this lil’ ole journey of mine.

 

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Acts 20:28 Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.

Matthew 16:25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.


The verse that sticks out to me the most is Acts 20:28. I have always seen myself as a child, and someone who does not lead well. I’ve always been more of a follower. However, just this week, my dance teacher called me a “role model”. I stood on a bench while watching my girls dancing, and she told me to get down. I was taken aback, because I always stood on that bench..there were younger girls in there, elementary school age and a couple even younger than that. The girls I assisted with were middle school age and had more common sense, so they always knew to not climb on the bench like I did. However, I was being considered a leader to the group of younger girls without even realizing it. Again, I have always considered myself to be a child, someone to be mentored, not do the mentoring. When I was baptized, I looked to my youth pastor and my friends who had been Christians longer for the answers to my questions. As I have matured in my faith (and matured in general, but not by much) I find myself finding my answers in the bible and in prayer, and even answering questions for other people. A couple years ago, I never would have believed that I would be answering questions for people.

Discovering myself-again, definitely not easy. My best quality? No idea. I probably never will know, but I am not in any rush to find out..I have the assurance with my Lord. The one fact I need is that I am a child of God, forever and always.

On the other hand, what is something that is unique about me, something that I don’t share with anybody else? I could go the materialistic route, I have a grey tabby named Milo and a blonde chihuahua named Tinkerbell. I’m just guessing that nobody else has that, I have a phone filled with things that are like nobody else’s phone. I have a journal unique to just me. There are tons of material things, but what is a quality about me that is unique?

Y’all, I don’t know. Hence the title-An Everlasting Journey. I will always wonder and contemplate what that one unique quality is, but will probably never discover it-I’m repeating myself here, so y’all get the point. I will just be me, Hope. That’s pretty darn cool in itself.

 

song of the day: bibia be ye ye // ed sheeran

 

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One thought on “discovering myself: an everlasting journey

  1. Amie Brisker says:

    I knew your Dad when we were kids, teens. I don’t know what inner pain made him fall into drugs, but I do understand that kind of inner torment; drugs just weren’t my “choice” of pain relief. I have a daughter almost your age. At almost 40 I can tell you you are forvever learning about yourself. My daughter knows of severe PTSD I struggle with on a daily basis, and while I may not like it, it has made her into an even more empathetic and loving person. Your heart feels and knows what many don’t and that’s something the world needs that you can offer. That’s pretty damn unique!

    Liked by 1 person

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