title.

Good “morning”, fellow night owls! Welcome, welcome to the great Hopedini. Today, I will be showing you how much I write in a week. Look on your forearm, is it empty? That is right, because the answer IS NEVER. I could come up with an excuse that I have been busy, which is half true. Last week (Mon-Wed) was the last week of school, filled with exams and adventures, hence my multiple Instagram posts and a million second snapchat stories, {@hopetooturnt, don’t mind the self promotion}…

I have been out of school for almost a whole week, and I have been doing kinda awesome. Little depression relapses here and there, but nothing My God can’t help me out with. He is so awesome, ya know that? Always is, was, and will be. No matter what your struggles are. I sometimes will sit there, deep in my thoughts of different things, but usually it is of my past. I used to consider myself agnostic, I hated God. I didn’t believe that there was a God, or if there was I just felt anger towards Him. I would ask myself everyday, “Why am I in this hell? If there is a God, why is he doing this to me? Why am I so sad, why do I want to die?” I blamed any bad thing in my life on God. It was a time I do not like to be open about this topic, but sometimes, on special occasions, I will bring it up for other people’s sake(s)? Sorry, bad grammar moment, my English teacher would be so proud!!!

Anyways, I eventually jumped out of my funk and came to the realization that I needed Jesus. I still hadn’t jumped straight into the bible or anything like that, but I had seen so many other people and their joyful outlooks, that I was curious myself as to what God could offer me, (notice one of my first misconceptions of Christianity) One thing you need to know about me, when a thought comes into my head, it won’t leave. Good, or bad. It’s one of my worst qualities. I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough to be saved. I felt that what I had done, thought, and acted towards God and myself was too bad, I couldn’t forgive myself and I didn’t think God could either. I was in the middle of self harm, suicidal thoughts, and hating myself. An all-time low, that went on from 8th-the end of 9th grade.

I put up a wall, I strayed from activities I once loved. I slept all the time and began to stress eat. It might not sound too severe now, but back then to me, it felt like my own personal h e double hockey stix.

Is there a point for this blog post? Probably not coming into it, but I always do things on impulse, with no plan, soooooooooooooooooooo

Y’all, God loves you. No matter what your past or future is, no matter how bad the sin, all you gotta do is believe. Ask, and forgiveness will be given. Love y’all, stay turnt and hmu if anybody needs anything! Hope y’all are having an AWESOME SUMMMERRRRR!!!!

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