10 Years (ROUGH DRAFT)

I wish that I could write something genuine when I was happy. I wish that every time I came on here I could be all smiley and ok and not be going through a depression episode. I wish. I wish that us humans did not have to feel the sad and hopeless feelings when the time hit anywhere past 9 at night, even 9 in the morning. I wrote a post a couple of days ago, a couple words of encouragement. Sometimes I want other people instead of myself to be ok before me. Sometimes, it is ok to take a break from constant fake smiles, and covering up your feelings with ‘I’m fine’.

Half the time when I write, it is the same as my thoughts, scattered and unorganized and in a way, bipolar. I can not stand to talk about myself for long. When you think of your hopes and dreams, what do you think of? Your dream school, travelling around the world, settling down for a family? What do YOU wanna be? Stop and think, where do you think you will be in 10 years? Married, on a plane? Maybe you will be the next Meredith Grey. Who knows, but the only one who can guarantee you having a future  is indeedy-do, YOU. Ya gotta look at the big picture sometimes. 10 years from now, that girl’s rude comment will not even come through your mind. It won’t phase you. 10 years from now, you won’t look to a toilet to feel pretty. You will look into your baby’s eyes, your significant other’s face, or just  in a mirror. 10 years from now, you will be able to sit alone in your room at night without being scared of your own thoughts. You can get through your life right now. You have been through so much up to here, why give up now? Why miss out on these next 10 years of your lives? 10 years, you will look back and say, ‘I made it.’ Because, you made it. You will make it.


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