Long Posts and Scattered Thoughts

Self Confidence. It is a major issue in today’s society, there is no doubting that. ‘What is the real issue with it though?’ I hear my grandparents say it all the time, when I go out to eat with them every other Sunday. My grandma(Memaw) will ask me multiple times if I have self confidence issues. I look down at my plate and think about how to go about with my reply. It is normal for everybody and anybody to go through not loving yourself completely. No matter how pretty, skinny, tall or short you are, sometimes it seems near to impossible to fully love yourself. I have had conversations with peers who do not know how to love themselves at all, everything is just a disappointment for them. It kills me, to see such beautiful souls go through this kind of mindset, every day. It is almost excruciating to think about.

I look up at Memaw and open my mouth, prepared to let a complete book come out of my mouth. Alas, nothing would come out. It iis a weird feeling, knowing exactly what you want to say but not knowing how to get it out of your brain.

I am a very straight up person, when I first meet people this is basically how it goes;

Me: “Hi I am Hope follow me on Instagram by the way I love Jesus and hey I like your shirt can I borrow it! Let’s be friends I LOVE YOU”

I guess I gotta be straight forward and say this: I am human. Sometimes there are nights where I lay there in the darkness, thinking about how much I want to make my stomach fat go away, fix my back problems, etc. We tend to pick at our insecurities and torture ourselves to the point of, I am worthless, not good enough, why am I here? Life ain’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along. We all have rough nights, bad thoughts, bad days, bad habits, nobody has ever been spared from it.

I look at my beautiful, graceful, and old fashioned grandma in the face and say, “Yes, Memaw, I have self confidence issues. Although God has blessed me with legs to dance with, a contagious smile, and hair like a lion’s mane, there are some times where I wish I looked like ‘that girl’ or I had my ‘goal body’. Or calling myself ‘ugly’, even as a joke. I wish I could push myself away from those sometimes crippling thoughts, but it is not very easy.” I have never seen a more sincere sadness in that woman’s eyes beyond that day. It was silent for a mere 5 seconds, tops, but it felt like at least an hour before she said, “Ugly does not exist. Whether it be through personality, passion, kindness, there is not one ugly person on this planet.” And with that, I went into the world, looking at people differently. “She has pretty hair, oh that guy helped that lady with his groceries, etc” That day was well at least a year ago when I was still recovering from my major issues back then, even before I found Jesus, but it still was encouraging and amazing to hear such a legend of a woman.

The moral of this very very long post: Everybody has gone through body issues, self confidence troubles, or just wanting to change something about themmselves. So if you are currently going through this or for future reference, let me assure you: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Boys and girls, young beautiful grasshoppers, love yourselves. I know it is easier said than done, but one reminder everyday. Write it on a sticky note. Set a reminder on your phone, whatever you need to remember to LOVE YOURSELF. 

Love y’all, stay turnt!


3 thoughts on “Long Posts and Scattered Thoughts

  1. Lori Downs says:

    You are such an inspiration pretty girl! That was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read and the maturity in your words is absolutely amazing, it brings tears to my eyes. You have grown up to be one amazing, beautiful, charismatic, outgoing, talented, friendly, inspirational, mature, energetic, loving and caring young woman! I am so proud of you and I can’t wait for Emsley to learn from you! I love you pretty girl and I hope you’ll continue to write this blog, you are going to help sooo many people and not even realize the impact you have in every person you come across lives. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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